I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
