I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am one with the molecules
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
