We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
