I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
