i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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