I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
