no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
