he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
