My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We left an ass print on the piano.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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