life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
