so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize