This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
