In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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