i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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