:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
