Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize