I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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