Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
