I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize