Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
