Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
