Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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