Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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