Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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