HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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