Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
