Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
