i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
