please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
