I molested 6 butterflies tonight
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
