Porn is love you can see.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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