yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My cat gives me a boner
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
