I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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