We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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