i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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