he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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