I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
