Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
