I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize