dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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