that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
