Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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