And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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