fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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