I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize