it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just want nice things and good sex
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
