I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
