We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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