Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
