Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
