Just fell off a train. Bad.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize