Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
