Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
