What did we do last night that was yellow?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
