She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
