Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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