ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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