Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
