My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
