I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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