I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
