did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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