Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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