It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
