Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
