From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
