Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize