i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
