STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
