So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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