Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize