Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
