Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
