if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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