I'm lost and stupid without you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
