it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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