The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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