Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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